Post by katikate on Mar 6, 2011 3:33:49 GMT -8
If you recognize my screen name, you know who I am .
For those who don't, and since I'm supposed to tell you, here goes. My name is Kate from arkansas. I live here with my glorious (that's right, glorious) husband and a farm full of critters, including goats.
The only physical chronic pain I suffer from is migraines, which a lot of people still think are just "bad headaches". I've finally gotten some mothers to understand it's like giving birth in your head but there's no baby and nothing mAkes it stop.
I had mystery gut pain for about a year, underwent massive amounts of tests, Which found nothing, until at thanksgiving something inside me "popped". And I was down for the count for about a week. Went to the obgyn (because it felt like a cyst) and lo and behold, I had a cantelope cyst growing around my left ovary. I promptly named him arnold, and two days later arnold, cyst, and Fallopian tube were gone. And so was the pain from years of arnold irritating and scarring my small intestine.
As for other pain...I've got thAt. In spades.
I hate my body. I've been told it's fat and unappealing more than I've been told it's beautiful. I'm 5'4" and 150 pounds with a hourglass figure. My own mother has said I looked my best when I was anorexic and 107 pounds.
My mother just left my father for my coworker, and someone we all considered a friend. Mom and CW used me as a coverup without my knowledge, lied to me twice when I confronted them, had sex at my house, and then told me and wanted me to keep their secret. When I said no, I was told I was a selfish, ungrateful, bitchy child who couldn't be happy for her own mother. I now have to see the man screwing my mother everyday at a job I used to be proud to go to. I've lost one of the deepest relationships ive ever had because my mother destroyed it along with my trust in her and my heart.
I rescue animals, and they keep dying. I had a barn fire a year ago thAt killed 10/11 goats, and I still stress everyday I will wake up and it will have happened again.
I have PTSD (undiagnosed) from sexual assault at 15, rape at 18, and 2 years of mental, emotional, and slightly physical abuse by my ex-husbAnd.
My wonderful husband is not speaking to his family because they don't respect me.
A lot of days, especially right now, I feel completely overwhelmed, and if it wasn't for my husband, I fear I would be a lot worse. I'm on welbutrin daily and clonazepam as needed. I see a therapist weekly. I have to actively make myself eat, and to control my temper.
And a lot of the time, I can't decide whether to cry, laugh hysterically, or punch something.
Overall I have a good life. The bad stuff is just so big I feel like I am drowning under it. And I am afraid of taking my husband with me.
For those who don't, and since I'm supposed to tell you, here goes. My name is Kate from arkansas. I live here with my glorious (that's right, glorious) husband and a farm full of critters, including goats.
The only physical chronic pain I suffer from is migraines, which a lot of people still think are just "bad headaches". I've finally gotten some mothers to understand it's like giving birth in your head but there's no baby and nothing mAkes it stop.
I had mystery gut pain for about a year, underwent massive amounts of tests, Which found nothing, until at thanksgiving something inside me "popped". And I was down for the count for about a week. Went to the obgyn (because it felt like a cyst) and lo and behold, I had a cantelope cyst growing around my left ovary. I promptly named him arnold, and two days later arnold, cyst, and Fallopian tube were gone. And so was the pain from years of arnold irritating and scarring my small intestine.
As for other pain...I've got thAt. In spades.
I hate my body. I've been told it's fat and unappealing more than I've been told it's beautiful. I'm 5'4" and 150 pounds with a hourglass figure. My own mother has said I looked my best when I was anorexic and 107 pounds.
My mother just left my father for my coworker, and someone we all considered a friend. Mom and CW used me as a coverup without my knowledge, lied to me twice when I confronted them, had sex at my house, and then told me and wanted me to keep their secret. When I said no, I was told I was a selfish, ungrateful, bitchy child who couldn't be happy for her own mother. I now have to see the man screwing my mother everyday at a job I used to be proud to go to. I've lost one of the deepest relationships ive ever had because my mother destroyed it along with my trust in her and my heart.
I rescue animals, and they keep dying. I had a barn fire a year ago thAt killed 10/11 goats, and I still stress everyday I will wake up and it will have happened again.
I have PTSD (undiagnosed) from sexual assault at 15, rape at 18, and 2 years of mental, emotional, and slightly physical abuse by my ex-husbAnd.
My wonderful husband is not speaking to his family because they don't respect me.
A lot of days, especially right now, I feel completely overwhelmed, and if it wasn't for my husband, I fear I would be a lot worse. I'm on welbutrin daily and clonazepam as needed. I see a therapist weekly. I have to actively make myself eat, and to control my temper.
And a lot of the time, I can't decide whether to cry, laugh hysterically, or punch something.
Overall I have a good life. The bad stuff is just so big I feel like I am drowning under it. And I am afraid of taking my husband with me.