Post by succubusdream on Nov 18, 2010 23:28:32 GMT -8
I hate not being able to go anywhere. It sucks being a sagittarius.
If any of you are one or have read about them, the need for constant change and travel is vital. I am the most sagittarian person you can find. I want to go places, see the world, but I can't even go for a drive in the woods cause there is no one to go with me. I like company. My friends can't cause one is preggo and the others are guys that want to fuck me. I hate it. They can't come cause they would expect something. Can't do it. I need adventure. I need spontaneous. I need new. I want someone to spend my time with and not get nervous around them and not have something fucked up flip in my head because I am near them. I have nothing to look forward to. I don't care much for my birthday, it is just an age. Christmas is just a drain of funds I tried to save. I love the joy I can give, but a smile dissapates in a week and I am left with the poor funds I managed not to spend.
I can't have a boyfriend cause of my wiring. I can't have friends who rub me wrong. I can't have so much that I want cause of this stupid mental handicap I have from the asshole who fucking with my life as a kid and for some reason I can't get passed it yet. It is BULLSHIT. This is fucking stupid. I am depressed and pissed at myself. Fucking hormones!
I am lonely and stuck here even though I have the ability to go somewhere, but without anywhere to go. I hate that my friends are in this glowing box and I just want a friend or two that I can relate to. Is it so hard for the god damn universe to let me have one or two of those? I am lonely in a world full of people. Bored in a world full of adventure. Useless in a world full of need. Sick with inability to go anywhere. I hate it. It is bringing me down.
In all this crap, I can't hang out with my family cause my mom is being stupid and self-absorbed, spewing her same bullshit over and over, hoping for a different out come. My brother has her back at every turn. I have no relationship with him. My horses are there and they are the ones that make me feel better when I have no one to hold me and wipe my tears away. I can't see them due to the bat shit mother.
The most I talk about it, the more I want to cry. Crying is stupid. Especially for a reason as stupid as this. I can't go to the one person that would make it all better cause she if fucking bat shit. I need a hug. A really long one that I can fall asleep in.
If any of you are one or have read about them, the need for constant change and travel is vital. I am the most sagittarian person you can find. I want to go places, see the world, but I can't even go for a drive in the woods cause there is no one to go with me. I like company. My friends can't cause one is preggo and the others are guys that want to fuck me. I hate it. They can't come cause they would expect something. Can't do it. I need adventure. I need spontaneous. I need new. I want someone to spend my time with and not get nervous around them and not have something fucked up flip in my head because I am near them. I have nothing to look forward to. I don't care much for my birthday, it is just an age. Christmas is just a drain of funds I tried to save. I love the joy I can give, but a smile dissapates in a week and I am left with the poor funds I managed not to spend.
I can't have a boyfriend cause of my wiring. I can't have friends who rub me wrong. I can't have so much that I want cause of this stupid mental handicap I have from the asshole who fucking with my life as a kid and for some reason I can't get passed it yet. It is BULLSHIT. This is fucking stupid. I am depressed and pissed at myself. Fucking hormones!
I am lonely and stuck here even though I have the ability to go somewhere, but without anywhere to go. I hate that my friends are in this glowing box and I just want a friend or two that I can relate to. Is it so hard for the god damn universe to let me have one or two of those? I am lonely in a world full of people. Bored in a world full of adventure. Useless in a world full of need. Sick with inability to go anywhere. I hate it. It is bringing me down.
In all this crap, I can't hang out with my family cause my mom is being stupid and self-absorbed, spewing her same bullshit over and over, hoping for a different out come. My brother has her back at every turn. I have no relationship with him. My horses are there and they are the ones that make me feel better when I have no one to hold me and wipe my tears away. I can't see them due to the bat shit mother.
The most I talk about it, the more I want to cry. Crying is stupid. Especially for a reason as stupid as this. I can't go to the one person that would make it all better cause she if fucking bat shit. I need a hug. A really long one that I can fall asleep in.