lizzybean
Figuring us out
Exceptional Thespian
Posts: 17
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Post by lizzybean on Dec 5, 2010 16:36:52 GMT -8
So December has rolled around yet again, and once again the winter depression is coming around. At least I think it's the holiday blues. I have bipolar disorder and I swear to little green froggies I cannot figure out what my moods are any more, and if they're related to the bipolar or they're related to situations.
My grandpa died in December 11 years ago, plus some of the crappiest times of my life in the last ten years happened in December as well. I honestly don't know if it's just the yearly thing, or if my bipolar is dipping down.
The doc has me on three meds right now: Seroquil, Depakote and Lithium, all mood stabilizers, because for awhile there I was on full force manic, 24/7. So I don't know if the meds need adjusting because of a mood shift or if the meds are causing the mood shift because they're out of alignment again.
I'm sorry if this post is incoherent; I'm so churned up about this right now. And I can't really talk to my husband about it because, as sweet and understanding as he is, he just doesn't seem to get the whole depression thing. I feel like if I tell him then I bring him down too. And I can't do that!
Plus it's almost Christmas and my son will be here for a week. I have to get rid of the downers ASAP. Not to mention it's making work difficult. It's hard to smile and be all nice to the customers when you just don't give a rat's ass.
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Post by Pahz on Dec 5, 2010 19:17:16 GMT -8
This may be a stupid question, but here goes-
Is there any way to tell if its the mood shifting and you need an adjustment or if the meds are causing the mood shift? Or is it as I suspect- its a hit and miss thing and the doctors are basically throwing a handful of corn at a fence?
I'd say to tell your husband (ha, I actually know his name!) and explain it all, because you're not going to bring him down so much as you're going to cause yourself harm by trying to handle it all on your own.
**Interweb hugs**
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loyhargil
Figuring us out
She who perseveres
Posts: 36
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Post by loyhargil on Dec 7, 2010 9:22:31 GMT -8
Oh Lizzy, I don't know what to do but give (((((hugs))))).
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Nico
Three Digits!
burger emergency
Posts: 143
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Post by Nico on Dec 7, 2010 12:43:12 GMT -8
I want to make suggestions, but I also don't want to be annoying, so I think I'll just offer myself up to you for verbal abuse. You can make fun of my hair, or the way I'm dressed. Both are fairly easy targets this week.
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lizzybean
Figuring us out
Exceptional Thespian
Posts: 17
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Post by lizzybean on Dec 7, 2010 17:03:15 GMT -8
I think it very well may just be a hit or miss kinda thing. It's starting to interfear with work. I'm having trouble concentrating and actually getting things done. I'm moving slow too, and not with the "sense of urgency" that they want us to have. I see the doc on Saturday. Hopefully he'll have some ideas. I hate having bi-polar. It's so freaking hard! I'm sick and tired of it. I don' want to feel this way any more.
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Post by kmcm on Dec 7, 2010 17:42:29 GMT -8
Lizzy, you should still have number, you can text or call me anytime, 24/7. You can tell me how horrible you feel, how curling up into a little ball and disappearing would feel wonderful right now.
I will agree with you and then make an attempt to make you laugh, so you can have a few endorphins for a few minutes.
If you need my number again, you know at least three ways to contact me.
We love you, no matter what.
~kari
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Post by winterwhispers on Dec 8, 2010 9:30:06 GMT -8
I'm coming in a little late on this, but might have a good perspective on things for you. Here's why: 1) I battle depression myself, and have since I was a young teen. So for about 20 years now. 2) I figured out my "husband" is bi-polar myself and made him go to the dr and get help 3) I have a hard time this time of year myself. So, here's my bits of advice, then I'll crawl back to my corner First off, talk with your husband. I'm sure that he wants you to feel better as much as you want to feel better. He may not fully understand what you are going through, and may even seem irritated by it at times. But he loves you and if he's anything like me, wants you to be better almost as much as you do. I'm sure at this point he knows that there's not really any magical pill that can suddenly and forever make things all better. If there were, we'd all be sunshine and rainbows all the time. Secondly, Do go talk to your dr. Tell him/her EXACTLY the symptoms and feelings you're having. If you're just seeing your normal MD about it, consider adding a shrink into the mix. It can REALLY help. They often times find deep rooted issues that you didn't realize were bothering you and help you over come them. I've done it, it can really really help. Thirdly, I know exactly how you feel about being "silent sick" and feeling hopeless and helpless about it. People who don't understand your "disease" can be very cold and uncaring. I work retail too, and especially this time of year it's all go go go! When you don't appear to be ill by just looking at you, often times we get labeled as "lazy" for going a little slower. If you have a quick chat with your boss, he/she should be understanding and cut you a little slack. Co-workers can eff off. You're not asking for special treatment, just a little understanding and compassion. Depression isn't just about a "broken mind" but it can effect your body too. It's been proven that it causes physical pain as well. My personal struggle with "December blues" is an odd one. My birthday is this month, Friday in fact, and growing up was difficult with a Dec. birthday. No one has time for you. You get combined presents a lot. Living in the pacific northwest, it's very dark, cold and dreary here in the winter. That always makes it worse. I always looked forward to the snow and it made me happier. Looking back, I think that it was because the snow reflects the light and the added "sun" from that helped with the blues. Hey, that gave me an idea... maybe invest the $50 in a small SAD light box. You can get them at Target now. Another thing that might help is to keep a journal of how you're feeling, both mentally and physically. Take that universal pain chart and use it twice per day in your journal. Once for your depression, once for physical pain. Jot down the weather for the day as well. Keep track of it. It may form a pattern that may in turn help your Dr. help you better. That's what we do with my son who has a cyst on his brain. Find the "pain triggers" and figure out how to work with/around them. Weather effects more than people realize. Okay, now that I've written a short book, I will end with a {{{{{{{BIG HUGE CYBER HUG}}}}}}} Just remember, we're all here for you! Manic, depressive, stabilized and otherwise ~* Heidi *~
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