morciel
Three Digits!
He who helps, as much as he can
No reason to think, or feel. Just breath in and out. As the song says, nothing else matters.
Posts: 230
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Post by morciel on Dec 18, 2010 22:49:35 GMT -8
i think i suffer from some form of cripplingly low self esteem. like..i dont feel like doing anything. i dont think it's depression...like i never really thought about suicide....but i have thought about if anyone would miss me when i was gone. i show this stuff to my family in the form of anger most of the time..and when i do talk to them most of the time they turn it on me. when broke up with someone just over a year ago my mom told me "well, no one wants to be with a loser." yeah. that's my mom folks. idk..there arent as many happy happy happy moments in my life as there are fuck it all, what's the point moments. i'm almost at the point of tears right now,and i dont cry. so idk. i really just feel like i wanna pack my shit, put on my boots, and walk somewhere, and end up wherever i end up. but i know i wont do that, takes balls bigger than mine to do that. idk. just. idk. guess i'm gonna sign off now. yeah.
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Post by winterwhispers on Dec 18, 2010 23:04:09 GMT -8
Actually, it does sound like depression. You don't have to want to kill yourself or think about it to be depressed. You're mom sounds very detached. Maybe she's trying to get you to leave the nest by being mean? You're young, you've got the whole world outside that door. Venture out and see what you can see! I say take a few day's trip by yourself someplace you've never been. Rent a room, go see the sights, take it all in. It's like an instant reset button! Don't look at it as leaving in anger, look at it as building life experience!
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Post by geminilee on Dec 18, 2010 23:09:12 GMT -8
This may be overly harsh, because I don't remember how long ago I took my Xanax, but I don't think you have cripplingly low self esteem as my as you have a crippling mother. I don't think she means to be; most parents don't mean to be, but I think that right now your life with her is crippling you. I think you would do better to do something.
You don't sound as if your folks make much money; try for a Pell Grant and start going to community college or votech. You can probably get all of your classes and most if not all of your housing paid for. There really is hope. The first step is just to get out of your mom's house, and get on your own.
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morciel
Three Digits!
He who helps, as much as he can
No reason to think, or feel. Just breath in and out. As the song says, nothing else matters.
Posts: 230
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Post by morciel on Dec 18, 2010 23:25:57 GMT -8
i'm working right now. so i cant just leave..or go that far, and i dont make enough to say somewhere without worrying about waking up itchy. i will look into it. geminilee, it's not harsh, it's...idk..seems a bit light..she's more than that. i just got yelled at because i wanted to be alone. told that i'm wrong for being mad that she's in my designated area at 2.25am so yeah. idk
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Post by geminilee on Dec 19, 2010 0:12:38 GMT -8
You don't have to go far. Do you have a community college or vo-tech in your town or county? If so, apply for financial aid and start going to classes. that will at least get you out of the house, and around other people who may be willing to share a place.
Also, don't be so reluctant to drop everything. Even if you wanted to be responsible, all you would need to do would be to give them a few weeks notice, and you would need that long to find a place someplace else anyway.
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morciel
Three Digits!
He who helps, as much as he can
No reason to think, or feel. Just breath in and out. As the song says, nothing else matters.
Posts: 230
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Post by morciel on Dec 19, 2010 0:18:35 GMT -8
i'm from new york city hun. we have community colleges and all that jazz.
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Post by geminilee on Dec 19, 2010 0:30:21 GMT -8
Then apply, get financial aid, get a place with a friend a a couple friends. The school will give you a bit of direction, even if you decide to do something different later. The place of your own will help for obvious reasons.
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morciel
Three Digits!
He who helps, as much as he can
No reason to think, or feel. Just breath in and out. As the song says, nothing else matters.
Posts: 230
|
Post by morciel on Dec 19, 2010 0:44:47 GMT -8
i have applied. i cant do aid till next month. everything else will have to wait until march or so when i get the letters back to see where they picked me.
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