Post by tzarina on Apr 18, 2011 17:26:35 GMT -8
Hi. I'm Holley. You can call me Holley or Tzarina, I don't care which. I'm not picky. I'm 36 married to Rob and have an amazing 10 year old named Alex. And I have no memory in my life from the age of 13 on that does not include pain.
I'm in pain, physical pain, 100% of the time. I don't want to live on narcotics, and NSAIDS ate holes in my stomach lining when I was 20, so I can't take those anymore. There is nothing for my pain, so I live with it. Some days I stand in my kitchen and cry when I need to make dinner, then order pizza. Most days I slog through. Sometimes with a shiny black cane to help.
I have osteoarthritis in about 60% of my spine. Some in my middle spine from a birth defect, some in my neck from an injury and I'm missing 3 disks in my lumbar spine from the spinal they did when I had the kid. Because of this, not only does my back hurt all the time, but so do my hips.
My right shoulder was reconstructed when I was 16. The arthritis in that arm goes from my neck to my fingertips. When it's bad, my whole arm curls up. My left shoulder has a pinched nerve that acts up sometimes. Both collarbones ache in the cold for some reason.
I have chondromalacia in both knees. Both knee caps dislocate at will. I have a wonderful collection of knee braces. I've destroyed both ankles, but they don't give me much trouble.
Added to all the fun, I'm bipolar. And I have PCOS. I'm kind of a limping calamity.
Most people have no idea what level of pain I'm in all the time. I don't say much, because I do what I have to do to get through the day. And I hate it when people tell me not to do stuff because I might hurt myself. Like, duh.
So, that's my introduction. Thank you. My god, thank you. I don't think I've ever said it all at once.
I'm in pain, physical pain, 100% of the time. I don't want to live on narcotics, and NSAIDS ate holes in my stomach lining when I was 20, so I can't take those anymore. There is nothing for my pain, so I live with it. Some days I stand in my kitchen and cry when I need to make dinner, then order pizza. Most days I slog through. Sometimes with a shiny black cane to help.
I have osteoarthritis in about 60% of my spine. Some in my middle spine from a birth defect, some in my neck from an injury and I'm missing 3 disks in my lumbar spine from the spinal they did when I had the kid. Because of this, not only does my back hurt all the time, but so do my hips.
My right shoulder was reconstructed when I was 16. The arthritis in that arm goes from my neck to my fingertips. When it's bad, my whole arm curls up. My left shoulder has a pinched nerve that acts up sometimes. Both collarbones ache in the cold for some reason.
I have chondromalacia in both knees. Both knee caps dislocate at will. I have a wonderful collection of knee braces. I've destroyed both ankles, but they don't give me much trouble.
Added to all the fun, I'm bipolar. And I have PCOS. I'm kind of a limping calamity.
Most people have no idea what level of pain I'm in all the time. I don't say much, because I do what I have to do to get through the day. And I hate it when people tell me not to do stuff because I might hurt myself. Like, duh.
So, that's my introduction. Thank you. My god, thank you. I don't think I've ever said it all at once.