Post by daisys on Jun 9, 2011 7:59:58 GMT -8
Both for my pain and for my strong feelings for others' pain. This is my whine and intro... please understand I'm also a great shoulder for others.
Hi, daisys here -currently I am in a lot of physical but more emotional pain. And I am going to kill my mouse! It's not moving right and I can't fix it 'cause i can't open the sucker!
Back in '98, while still pregnant with my youngest son I developed mastitis in my left breast. It quickly turned into an abscess.
They did surgery and I caught a staph infection. This began a 7 year trip through hell. I wound up with constant reoccurring infections, leading to 19 surgical procedures. I'm sure some of you can imagine the pain and fear, having to stuff half a kerlex roll inside your breast twice a day... antibiotics that don't help, pain pills making you sick, wash, repeat, wash, repeat...
Not joking. And those were the ones documented by medical staff. That is not counting times when I had no insurance and the infection would become so massive it tore the skin open itself, or when I would sit in a hot bath in terror with a massive infection and a razor blade and a bottle of tequila and drink myself to the point of being able to cut it open myself to drain. And convince myself that was all the razor was for.
This infection ruled my life for 7 years... Work suffered, kids suffered (oh they did suffer) I suffered. I have only 1/2 of a breast on my left side now... they have whittled away at it over the years till it is a mutilated, puckered mess.
But finally I somehow got free of it... FINALLY HEALED!!!
Been 5 years now, happily free of the pain, the fear, the pressuring burning pain...
And suddenly it's back. SOB
Not even gonna start small. Some nerves have been disabled I guess, because at first I did not feel it - just a strong ache under my nipple. I thought it was because of that time of month and some nerves might be coming back as a few do now and then-
I never use to let my husband touch that side, but over the years he has shown me he does not care if its deformed, that he loves me and wants to make me know I am whole to him, so I allow a touch now and then and I have noticed some numb areas waking up-
So now the bitch is back. This just devastated me. I just can't go back to that! Never ending infections! Antibiotics that never help and only make me sick, pain pills make me sick, switch antibiotics, make me sick, switch again, pain pills, anti nausea pills, new antibiotic....
I know others have worse than I. But I am just devastated by this. Been on 4 courses of 3 different antibiotics now (I don't respond in anyway other than puking my guts up- now thinking I might be allergic to at least 6 different ones), it's kinda healed, and that's what the surgeon wants. Doesn't want to do surgery while it's infected.
Except I can feel it coming back... This is where I sob, can't keep doing this
Problem is, I was recently cat bitten (bitch caught me 3 times on the finger to the bone!) on top of all this (she was in heat and startled) and of course, it's not healing. I call it "the zombie finger! Looks like hell.
I am again home from work and have another 15 min before I can call the surgeon's office to schedule the surgery.
He gave me the choice- another partial or a full mastectomy. My history shows I have problems that cannot easily be resolved. He is concerned about doing a full one, since I cannot seem to heal well he is worried about the drain tube, etc. being a problem.
So.... antibiotics that don't work and just make me sick, pain pills I cannot take for the same reason... muscles from my neck down so sore from always puking... unable to hold food down, hurting in my breast, my finger and my soul....
Perfect candidate for surgery, don'tcha think?
Hi, daisys here -currently I am in a lot of physical but more emotional pain. And I am going to kill my mouse! It's not moving right and I can't fix it 'cause i can't open the sucker!
Back in '98, while still pregnant with my youngest son I developed mastitis in my left breast. It quickly turned into an abscess.
They did surgery and I caught a staph infection. This began a 7 year trip through hell. I wound up with constant reoccurring infections, leading to 19 surgical procedures. I'm sure some of you can imagine the pain and fear, having to stuff half a kerlex roll inside your breast twice a day... antibiotics that don't help, pain pills making you sick, wash, repeat, wash, repeat...
Not joking. And those were the ones documented by medical staff. That is not counting times when I had no insurance and the infection would become so massive it tore the skin open itself, or when I would sit in a hot bath in terror with a massive infection and a razor blade and a bottle of tequila and drink myself to the point of being able to cut it open myself to drain. And convince myself that was all the razor was for.
This infection ruled my life for 7 years... Work suffered, kids suffered (oh they did suffer) I suffered. I have only 1/2 of a breast on my left side now... they have whittled away at it over the years till it is a mutilated, puckered mess.
But finally I somehow got free of it... FINALLY HEALED!!!
Been 5 years now, happily free of the pain, the fear, the pressuring burning pain...
And suddenly it's back. SOB
Not even gonna start small. Some nerves have been disabled I guess, because at first I did not feel it - just a strong ache under my nipple. I thought it was because of that time of month and some nerves might be coming back as a few do now and then-
I never use to let my husband touch that side, but over the years he has shown me he does not care if its deformed, that he loves me and wants to make me know I am whole to him, so I allow a touch now and then and I have noticed some numb areas waking up-
So now the bitch is back. This just devastated me. I just can't go back to that! Never ending infections! Antibiotics that never help and only make me sick, pain pills make me sick, switch antibiotics, make me sick, switch again, pain pills, anti nausea pills, new antibiotic....
I know others have worse than I. But I am just devastated by this. Been on 4 courses of 3 different antibiotics now (I don't respond in anyway other than puking my guts up- now thinking I might be allergic to at least 6 different ones), it's kinda healed, and that's what the surgeon wants. Doesn't want to do surgery while it's infected.
Except I can feel it coming back... This is where I sob, can't keep doing this
Problem is, I was recently cat bitten (bitch caught me 3 times on the finger to the bone!) on top of all this (she was in heat and startled) and of course, it's not healing. I call it "the zombie finger! Looks like hell.
I am again home from work and have another 15 min before I can call the surgeon's office to schedule the surgery.
He gave me the choice- another partial or a full mastectomy. My history shows I have problems that cannot easily be resolved. He is concerned about doing a full one, since I cannot seem to heal well he is worried about the drain tube, etc. being a problem.
So.... antibiotics that don't work and just make me sick, pain pills I cannot take for the same reason... muscles from my neck down so sore from always puking... unable to hold food down, hurting in my breast, my finger and my soul....
Perfect candidate for surgery, don'tcha think?