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Post by riotgirlheather on Jan 18, 2011 20:14:24 GMT -8
...but I'm not used to things being this bad. We weren't rich by any means, but we weren't necessarily poor either. We got by. We just ran out of heating fuel today, and it's the first time this has ever happened in the history of my life living with my family. We don't know when we'll be getting more. Our electric bill is outrageous. My mother is cutting off all of the cell phones except my dad's, which means I have no phone (I'm on their plan but pay my own bill, loooong story) after this month because we can't afford them anymore. I am freaking out for the first time in my life about everything all at once. Both of my parents are sick, I'm out of work, and my sister is a lazy dead-beat who is trying to do everything in her power to keep from having to get a job and help or get a job and move, plus the fact that she spends all of the money she does get from her kids' dads as child-support goes to buy her stuff from sephora. I don't know what to do. I can't fully and confidently start my life away from my family for the second time when I get a job knowing that my sister is just dragging everyone down, as usual.
My dad has cancer, my mom has, according to this round of tests and doctors, Parkinson's. Add all of this together, plus my crappy luck with my health and the genetic nature of Parkinson's and cancer...I'm probably gonna wind up having both in my future. Knowing this, and my fear and hypochondriac nature and I'm a nervous wreck. All of this stemming from money problems. Gah, life freaking sucks. Yeah, I know we can cuss on here, I just don't even feel up to doing that. Add in that my mother told me today that she wishes she could kill herself because of me and how miserable I make everyone...and I'm not very happy. At all.
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Nico
Three Digits!
burger emergency
Posts: 143
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Post by Nico on Jan 19, 2011 1:38:44 GMT -8
I'm sorry your mother put that on you. That's bullshit. No matter what kind of a pain in the ass you might be (I have no idea - you might actually be the nicest person in your family. You probably are.) one person's bad behavior doesn't cause another person to want to commit suicide. When people say shit like that, it's emotional blackmail, and I really, really hate it.
Don't let her put that on you, because honestly, either that's not how she really feels - and even if it is, you couldn't possibly be the cause of it.
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Post by riotgirlheather on Jan 19, 2011 20:25:42 GMT -8
I'll admit, I'm not always pleasant to be around. I'm snarky most of the time, but I have my reasons. She was out of line the other day. I love my mom, but I won't forgive her for a while for that. That was just mean, hurtful, and spiteful. Today, knowing my germ issues, she ate directly out of the serving dish that the steamed veggies were in. She knew I hadn't gotten enough of them, and she knows I won't eat after anyone in the house except for maybe Draco, but that's because he's little. He doesn't have as many germs as the rest of them. I don't know what her problem with me is lately, but she needs to get over it while I have no where else to go. Maybe things will work out with my latest guy and he can rescue me and take me to Kansas with him when he gets back from Iraq. Doubtful though. :/
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Nico
Three Digits!
burger emergency
Posts: 143
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Post by Nico on Jan 19, 2011 23:01:39 GMT -8
I can be prickly myself. Although I'm sure that's evident.
My guess is that everyone in the house is mostly frustrated with your sister, but they can't take it out on her, because she's "the sick one", and couldn't handle it. But it sounds to me as though she's the tail wagging the whole dog, and knows exactly what she's doing.
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morciel
Three Digits!
He who helps, as much as he can
No reason to think, or feel. Just breath in and out. As the song says, nothing else matters.
Posts: 230
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Post by morciel on Jan 20, 2011 9:26:44 GMT -8
Heather, I know you can't be that bad as i've never seen you be bad. and even if you were, no one can make someone want to kill themselves. it's an idiotic notion that i would have replied to with something along the lines of then do it. these seems to be a clusterfuck of the highest order, but i wouldn't say you had to put up with that level of shit for the sake of family. everyone there is an adult and should be able to see what they have to do to help themselves. but then again, i'm cold like that.
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Nico
Three Digits!
burger emergency
Posts: 143
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Post by Nico on Jan 20, 2011 13:03:12 GMT -8
Oh good, Morciel said it for me.
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Post by riotgirlheather on Jan 20, 2011 16:08:01 GMT -8
My sister is a moron. That's pretty plain...lol. I know what I need to do, but the first step is the most difficult right now. I'm trying to find a job so I can get out on my own and not have to deal with my sister every day all the time. I've always been pretty close to my family, which is part of why I haven't moved off...but there's also a crippling fear of growing up. I admit that. I'm 25, I know I need to grow up. I'm also scared of what'll happen to my boys if I'm not here to take care of them. Mom and Daddy are sick and both too old to be taking care of my sister's kids, but they won't kick her out like they should because they are scared she won't take care of them if they aren't around. It's a messed up situation.
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