Post by riotgirlheather on Jun 18, 2011 11:24:05 GMT -8
AAAAAAARGH!!!! Had to get that out of my system. I suck at talking to other people. I feel really bad because I don't ever know what to say about everyone else's problems, so I end up not saying anything. If I don't say anything, it's not because I don't care, it's just because I don't know what to say.
Granted, that's not why I'm bitter, I just felt the need to say that. I'm bitter because everywhere I look, there are happy people, happy couples, happy parents, happy children, etc. I am so sick and tired of being miserable and alone. I know I don't have to have someone to be happy, but dammit. I am tired of not having someone to cuddle with that actually means something to me. I really only do the things I do with Ryan because I have no one else. I know I deserve way better than him. I know that he's horrible for me. I'm just so scared that I won't find anyone better. I do care about Ryan, but I know I don't love him and I know he's not "The One."
It really seems that I'm only good enough to fuck, but I'm not good enough to date. I'm good enough to be "one of the guys," but again, not good enough to date. I'm tired of people not liking me that way because I talk too much, or I weigh too much, or I don't have the right number of tattoos, or piercings. I'm just tired and bitter. I've gotten to where I hate most men. Not the gay ones, or David, or some of the select few others, but everyone else. I'm so fucking sick of it. Good men are either too fucking far away, or not into me.
I'll never be who you want me to be, so accept me for who I am.