Post by riotgirlheather on Nov 10, 2010 15:19:42 GMT -8
Today started out normally. Back was hurting, like normal, kids were screaming at each other, everything was normal. Then about 11 when my dad wasn't back from radiation yet, three hours later when he's usually home one hour later, I called and found out that my dad was needing me to pick my mom up from her work and meet him at the hospital. They thought he'd had a stroke. Five hours later, we find out that his cancer or treatments have made a tumor in his brain and we'll find out more to be done from his cancer doctors tomorrow. I don't show it around my family, but it's making it harder to deal with and makes my depression dang near unbearable. At least I'm not going on any manic spending sprees...sigh.
ETA I changed the title to actually reflect what it's about.
Nope, you are letting it out here. One of my recommendations for people who are depressed and stressed is to go buy a cheap spiral notebook, a cheap pen and then swear. Write the words FUCK FUCK FUCK over and over again. Intersperse the swear words with the things that are sitting on your shoulder. FUCK FUCK FUCK (cancer) FUCK FUCK FUCK (back pain) FUCK FUCK FUCK (not being able to get this out) etc.
It works for some people, just getting it out of your system. When you have finished a notebook, pull out the metal spiral then burn the fucker. Watch all the pain and anxiety turn to ash.
Hugs, heather, you can post and post and post all you like about this. We are here to support you.
i'm a figment of my own imagination....sometimes i don't exist
Heather, damn, I won't say sorry because I know people hate that, so I'll say damn. That really blows. You know that you have people here you can talk to if you need it, and I'll personally donate my shoulder to you if you need it to cry on.
Waiting for that dark hole with my name on it to crawl into.
Post by riotgirlheather on Mar 4, 2011 5:14:09 GMT -8
It's managed to get worse. After we (my daddy included) thought he was getting better, he had two of his cancers in remission, we found out yesterday that the cancer in his lungs has grown and has spread to his liver. The doctors are baffled and have said that if the next medicine doesn't work that we may need to start thinking about a hospice program. Needless to say, I've fallen apart several times and I can't fully stop crying. I can't explain to my youngest nephew why I keep crying. He keeps coming up to me saying, "Don't cwy, I'm your fwiend!" and that just makes me cry harder. My dad came up to me yesterday and said, "You're gonna have to step up, Punk. It's up to you to take care of your mama and the boys when I'm gone." Me being in denial, I replied, "But I'm not going to have to Pop. You're gonna get better." I don't know what to do anymore. I'm only 25, I can't lose my daddy yet. I need him.
I'll never be who you want me to be, so accept me for who I am.
Post by littlematchstick on Mar 6, 2011 13:28:52 GMT -8
I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through. I'm a year older and I've not yet had to deal with some of those things. Even though I'm new here, I'd be more then happy to listen if you need someone to talk to. Big hugs to you.
It's so easy for us to misperceive and see the things in others that we want to see. And, when we're wrong, and often we're dead wrong, we miss the truth. ~Kevin Spacey~[br][br]http://painfulworld.wordpress.com/[br]http://alternativebeauty.webs.com/